I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize