Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
