So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
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