so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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