I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
