i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
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