Pappa wants mamma naked
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
