I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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