Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
pop tarts are not kleenex
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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