Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you traded sex for a burrito?
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
