Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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