i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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