I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I forgot how hot balto sounded
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Randomize
