Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
