who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
