Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
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