Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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