Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
