I just made out with a guy for $7.
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
