Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
