The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Randomize
