Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
