You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize
