I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
