highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
