Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize