You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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