I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
