i just google imaged poop.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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