I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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