There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
