there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
