i permit you to call me
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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