eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
