just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I am one with the molecules
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me