I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
