I never want to see another naked old woman again.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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