i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
