I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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