I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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