just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Randomize
