Define "chronic" masturbator.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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