Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
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