he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
