I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
