Got a toothbrush?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
