Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
