you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I checked into jail on foursquare
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
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