can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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