I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Randomize
