I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize