he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
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