separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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