babies were throwing up all over the place
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I think I just sharted jello shots
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