Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
