just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
is it fun? or sober?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
