from now on my penis is your penis
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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