I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket