I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
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He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
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I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES