3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
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you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
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I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him