Texts From Last Night

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  (214): View more from Texas

  I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band

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  (214): I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band http://tfl.nu/l50n
  Replies (11) Good night (685) Bad night (1472)
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  (937): View more from Ohio

  Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.

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  (937): Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls. http://tfl.nu/2r1d
  Replies (9) Good night (777) Bad night (3718)
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  (307): View more from Wyoming

  If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...

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  (307): If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter... http://tfl.nu/rvqi
  Replies (24) Good night (5557) Bad night (825)
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  (707): View more from California

  left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen

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  (707): left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen http://tfl.nu/p86b
  Replies (13) Good night (646) Bad night (4762)
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  (607): View more from New York

  he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.

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  (607): he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too. http://tfl.nu/lk4d
  Replies (3) Good night (866) Bad night (2895)
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  (252): View more from North Carolina

  Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.

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  (252): Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me. http://tfl.nu/r53x
  Replies (5) Good night (3712) Bad night (997)
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  (631): View more from New York

  Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.

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  (631): Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof. http://tfl.nu/txgs
  Replies (2) Good night (1390) Bad night (626)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.

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  (850): His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend. http://tfl.nu/ofwy
  Replies (10) Good night (1854) Bad night (653)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.

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  (503): I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together. http://tfl.nu/6ddq
  Replies (15) Good night (1777) Bad night (689)
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  (616): View more from Michigan

  Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on

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  (616): Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on http://tfl.nu/xayw
  Replies (10) Good night (1387) Bad night (521)
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  (228): View more from Mississippi

  Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!

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  (228): Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?! http://tfl.nu/8no9
  Replies (6) Good night (1491) Bad night (807)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other

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  (425): The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other http://tfl.nu/h7kl
  Replies (4) Good night (837) Bad night (522)
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  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.

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  (902): I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas. http://tfl.nu/cu8d
  Replies (4) Good night (1389) Bad night (902)
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  (250): View more from British Columbia

  Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.

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  (250): Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street (250): It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any. http://tfl.nu/mi10
  Replies (1) Good night (777) Bad night (382)
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  (423): View more from Tennessee

  He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.

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  (423): He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him. http://tfl.nu/spuu
  Replies (5) Good night (776) Bad night (160)

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