Texts From Last Night

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  (713): View more from Texas

  we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.

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  (713): we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company. http://tfl.nu/8nsz
  Replies (7) Good night (1175) Bad night (530)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later

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  (412): we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later http://tfl.nu/u7bo
  Replies (24) Good night (6218) Bad night (853)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?

  (1-610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm so glad i pay social security

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  (610): Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year? (1-610): I'm so glad i pay social security http://tfl.nu/rnv1
  Replies (17) Good night (4308) Bad night (912)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.

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  (214): Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me. http://tfl.nu/otui
  Replies (12) Good night (2607) Bad night (1023)
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  (740): View more from Ohio

  i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation

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  (740): i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation http://tfl.nu/vlgs
  Replies (12) Good night (1181) Bad night (2627)
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  (802): View more from Vermont

  Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.

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  (802): Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you. http://tfl.nu/ose0
  Replies (3) Good night (840) Bad night (3128)
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  (570): View more from Pennsylvania

  I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita

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  (570): I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita http://tfl.nu/65sn
  Replies (4) Good night (1669) Bad night (743)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.

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  (206): Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional. http://tfl.nu/t1vf
  Replies (10) Good night (2648) Bad night (554)
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  (519): View more from Ontario

  My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"

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  (519): My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade" http://tfl.nu/3niq
  Replies (16) Good night (3688) Bad night (793)
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  (469): View more from Texas

  He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...

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  (469): He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face... http://tfl.nu/7dsy
  Replies (6) Good night (1483) Bad night (757)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here

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  (603): Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here http://tfl.nu/t56p
  Replies (1) Good night (360) Bad night (813)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats

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  (717): I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats http://tfl.nu/ivyy
  Replies (0) Good night (340) Bad night (571)
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  (708): View more from Illinois

  I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.

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  (708): I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on. http://tfl.nu/l3j9
  Replies (5) Good night (927) Bad night (361)
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  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.

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  (508): You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment. http://tfl.nu/adm1
  Replies (0) Good night (272) Bad night (381)
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S

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  (501): if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S http://tfl.nu/vq6v
  Replies (1) Good night (273) Bad night (386)

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