If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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