awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I want her autograph on my taint
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
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