my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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