Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Randomize
