Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
