Whats the glycemic index on semen?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
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