member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize