I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
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The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
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I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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