Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
