Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
