your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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