He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize
