he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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